Tuesday, February 12, 2013

They Shouldn't Be Allowed

I realize I have overly high standards.  This has been a snarly rabid rodent of a problem that took hold of my tail early on and has yet to fully let go.  I'm my own worst enemy, as a result.  I'm my own worst critic.  But I also can spread that toxicity out to those whom I love, to those who consist of my innermost circle-- a trait I'm doggedly trying to reverse.  (Yes, Yoda.  I know.  No try- only do.  I'm WORKING ON IT.)


Some folks is just dumb.  Ignorant as dirt.  Thusly,  dumbass stupid shit happens in my vicinity (and I'd imagine yours as well) that Just Shouldn't Be Allowed.   And no matter how many breaths I take, Sensai, no matter how much decaf I drink, I just can't get over it.  (My husband has offered to procure me a pad of tickets akin to our most beloved meter maid's book of jollies.  Then I could be free to cite digressions of all types and bestow said citations upon those who perpetrate.  How I wish I could engage in this sort of activity consequence-free...)

In other words:  1. Learn how to parallel park or have your license revoked.  Really.  And while you're at it, figure out how to take up only ONE space instead of two.  2. Help the clerk bag your damn groceries at Trader Joes, bitches.  Don't just stand there while it's being done for you and stare vaguely off into the distance while wasting MY time in line.  3. Don't get to the front of any line anywhere, especially the post office, without having all your shit perfectly ready to GO.

You get my drift.

OK- so yes, I may have placed my expectations of myself and the world at large upon a plateau a bit too close to the heavens.  But c'mon.  Some things just shouldn't go unnoticed.  Some folks just simply SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED.

Let me give you my most recent example that occurred a mere two days ago:

My lovely little girl scout (now 10 years old and not so little) performed over the weekend at World Thinking Day- a yearly event held by girl scout troops all over America.  Allow me a little time to explain what this day consists of:  Each troop chooses a country to represent.  They set up booths in the regional convention-like room (cafeteria at a local middle school) in which the first portion of the day takes place.  They share a tasty bit o food from their country and create little "swaps" which are safety-pinnable knick knacks made out of some element of the country they've chosen. The second part of the day consists of the Show whereby each troop performs a 3-4 minute dance or a song or a skit, or some combo of the three which again represents their chosen country.  They have a cute procession of the flags...they get to dress up in traditional garb, etc etc.  It's sweet and actually can be educational and vaguely inspirational.  At least I believe that was the initial intention behind creating this event years ago.

But at our regional westside World Thinking Day, every year there's some dumbass troop leader who Shouldn't Be Allowed.  Someone who takes the opportunity to use the day differently.   This invariably rears its ugly head during the performance part of the day.  I've given over to the fact that every troop every year is gonna provide some sugary globule as representative food from their country.  Whaddryagonna do.  But to me, there's still potential for inspiration, or at least education from the performance section of the day.  So when the dumbass strikes- it's always during the show that you know.  And this year we were blessed with not one dumbass performance, but two.

The first came from some older tweenage troop out of Santa Monica who chose to represent France.  Ah- France- amazing food.  Rich history, a beautiful country- so much potential for the performance.  So what do they do?  What song and dance do they inspire us with?  They choose "Vogue" by Madonna.  They choose to Vogue at Girl Scout World Thinking Day. This is their song and dance.  Replete with vaguely sexual hip grinding (didn't we get enough of that at the Super Bowl?) and completely UN-French, tacky 13-year-old versions of what "Fashion Models" would wear on the runway.  Vogue-ing.  What overly made-up girl scouts strutting around awkwardly in all their Lolita-like glory has to do with France is beyond me.

Now I must say- the second troop who Just Shouldn't Have Been Allowed actually buttoned up their act quite tightly.  They had all their moves together.  Because, you see, this troop decided (I would imagine with gusto) to represent South Korea.  My my, we've never had anyone represent South Korea before at World Thinking Day.  What interesting facts can we learn about South Korea?  What cultural song or dance will we be privy to on this day?

Well, you may recall dear reader that Psy is from South Korea.  And if you don't know who he is, perhaps you are aware of his hit "Gangnam Style" which has played incessantly on internet and radio airwaves for a good six months now.  Which has tirelessly appeared in every form known to man commercially and social-media wise and has been parodied on YouTube and every which way in between.  Psy has appeared on Letterman and The View for god sakes.  Like, months ago. Aren't we over this yet?  Aren't we done with Psy and his Style hailing from Gangnam?

Nope.  Clearly we are not.  Troop number yadda yadda yadda decides it would be such a swell idea to  invite, clearly, a CHOREOGRAPHER in to help them turn this oh-so-10-minutes-ago fad of a song and dance into their World Thinking Day presentation.  Which they precisely and meticulously did.  And it was vaguely sad and uncomfortable watching the faces of these girls as they each, channelling their inner Psys, bounced around the stage mimicking moves even we parents have perfected ourselves in the company of our kids numerous times in the comfort of our own kitchens.  In other words- if they were expecting excited energy back in their direction, they were sorely disappointed.  At least by a majority of the weary audience.

My question is- who is in charge here?  Who thought Vogue and Gangnam Style would be GOOD ideas?  Is World Thinking Day just another example of our ever-expanding trend as parents to be pals with our kids instead of their mentors and leaders?  In letting them pick what they want to do because they think somehow it would be cool instead of giving them some kind of guidance as to what might actually be cool, because it would be in keeping with the day's event?

You know me.  I'm a chick rocker.  I love the stage.  I sing and snarl and whisper and coo and all of it in between- I love to do that.  I get it, and I would never want to take that moment away from some girls who are trying to have fun with their troop.  But it's just not the day for that.  You want to perform Gangnam Style with your pals?  Great- mount it at the next Bat Mitzvah.  Hey Sexy Lady it up!  Wear your slinkiest and Vogue around the room with your own friends at your next sleepover party-- but do it on your own time.  Don't perform this ludicrousness at an event that is supposed to be about raising awareness of worldly issues...that is supposed to be bringing girls together in the spirit of global awakening.  Right?  Is it just me here on this high horse of a podium?   Where are the other adults?

Because if I'm one of the only one up here representing THAT seat- we are in real trouble here, people.  Real trouble....

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